my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
