What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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