he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
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