I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
What drink are we having for lunch?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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