Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
