So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
