she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
