At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
