he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
