My sheets look like a crime scene.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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