PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
