Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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