In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
