I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
