If i come over, it means nothing
my mouth tastes like poor choices
and she was petting her beer can
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
