Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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