dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
