My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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