My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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