i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
40s are totally the cure
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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