i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
