why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
