please come you make the beer taste better
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
