What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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