hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize