I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
