Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
