the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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