Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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