i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
