Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
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