left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
