I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
