you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
