my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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