I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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