Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
