I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
we're making bets on your personal life
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
