I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
