I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
