mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
My breasts were aching with rage.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
