tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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