she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
