they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
