I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
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