dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
porn star boner night. come get it.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
