god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
