my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
