My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
