i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
