well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Small penises have feelings too.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
