Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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