Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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